Well, shit. It’s a situation I know many others have faced in their life and it seems it’s my turn. That being said…I’m sure when it comes to losing a job, it usually takes longer than two 1/2 days. But here I am – three days after starting my new job – and once again, I am unemployed. It may have only been a trial period but still, the crushing sense of despair, humiliation and hopelessness are weighing on me all the same.
A little back story here for some context.
I am a 24 year old woman-child (I may be an adult but I sometimes feel stuck in the mindset of a 16 year old) living in the arid state of South Australia. I have been out of work for a while and it’s been hell. Unemployment in South Australia is at an all time high. It is estimated that approximately 50,000 South Aussies are currently out of work and I am one of them – though not for lack of trying. I have applied to what feels like hundreds of jobs and have had little response. I really have done my best to improve my skills (Business degrees and volunteering) and have had nothing. I was really at a very low point, probably one of the lowest of my life when finally a ray of hope appeared. An admin and customer service position became available. It’s very different from what I have done in the past (childcare and hospitality) but I figured given my recent studies in Business Admin that I would give it a go. I flew through the interview with flying colours. The interviewer gushed about how I presented myself and how I talked and basically let me know then and there that I had a job – sort of.
They basically told me they would put me through the training/orientation period that usually lasts a week (a trial period to evaluate how I do) and then proceed with casual employment. I worked my butt off the first day…and the second day, trying desperately to cram as much information in my head as I could. There was a lot to learn. It’s a position that entails booking hundreds of orders daily (the business supply products globally) They have thousands of products, thousands of codes, and damn it, I really did my best.
On the third day HR called me into their office and I was told that it wasn’t going to work out. I instantly felt my stomach drop. Apparently, I wasn’t picking things up fast enough. Very politely, I inquired what they meant, asking how they expected me to understand thousands of codes, their computer programs and ordering systems after two days. I was then told that most people would be able to pick it up after the first day. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry…. to my complete horror it ended up being the latter.
This was my glimmer of hope! I’d begun to believe that things would start to get better for me and just like that I was being kicked in the face again. I know it happens to people all the time but it certainly doesn’t stop it from sucking.
HR lady looked at me with sympathy, handed me a box of tissues and told me that I would still be getting paid for my two days of work. I wanted to chuck the box of tissues at her head and scream ‘it’s not about the bloody money!’ I just wanted a job, to contribute something, to gain experience and to not feel like a complete and utter failure. Instead, I just nodded and wiped my tears away. I kept my head up, hoping my mascara wasn’t running down my cheeks, and walked back through the office to grab my things. Embarrassing.
So here I am. I wont lie, I am pretty gutted right now. I spent most of the afternoon crying like a baby. So…what do I do now? I have promised myself this:
I will allow myself a few days to wallow. Hey, some people can pick themselves up from this kind of thing and move on really easily. I have a lot of respect for those kinds of people. But I am not that person. So for the next few days I will be pretty damn depressed. I will burst into tears whenever I feel like, eat way too much ice-cream and mope like a baby – but then, I will pick myself up. When I got home this afternoon, I sat down on the sofa and sobbed, feeling so defeated that I didn’t think I could keep going. (Yes. I know. I’m very over dramatic. As I said before, 16 year old woman-child here!) But now, at 11:00 at night, I promise myself I will not let it defeat me. I will get up, take this experience and move on.
I will keep looking for work, paid and unpaid (hey, experience is experience!) I’ll give my resume a brilliant rehash, print a bazillion copies and go job hunting….again. (You have to remember, I’ve been looking for work for the last 10 months – the job hunt continues)
I will try to find other things to focus on , things that give me joy. I will draw and paint and feel good about myself.
I will try to get some exercise and some fresh air. I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety for years and though I often think I’m half-vampire and hate the outdoors, I’ve found that just getting out of the house and doing something like this can help.
I will catch up with some friends, share in the joy of my bestie’s impending baby and go ghost hunting at the Adelaide Gaol.
I will keep going, because as sucky as this whole experience has been, it really isn’t the end of the world.
And so comes the final thing I promised myself. I promised myself that I would find something creative to do – a new project. Why not a blog? A way of talking about my interests and obsession with music and film, pop culture and life.
So here I am.